Mom

The thoughts and opinions presented in this posting are the sole result of the author.  Should you not agree with them cease reading this posting and come back another time.

When I had one child I felt that I was a really good mom.  I was able to focus so much of my time and energy on her.  Even though I worked it seemed like we were always together, always doing something, always learning.  It was easy and fun.

Then I had two children and I felt that I was a good mom.  I had the school hours to focus on the younger of the two.  Then I had the after school and weekends to split between the older and the younger.  It was a bit of learning but it still seemed to go okay.

Now there are three children and I am struggling to even be an okay mom.  I have half days alone with the younger and I am trying to figure out how do I be a mom to him but get some things marked off of my to do list?  Then I have half days where the youngest is napping and the middle is home.  Again, there are things to get done yet kids that are pulling, pushing, touching and tugging at you in multiple ways.  With three, one always seems to be on "my list" by time school starts and some days it is all three of them.  The older is gone 7 1/2 to 8 1/2 hours each day and then has 1/2 hour to 3 hours of homework each night.  That leaves very little one on one time with her.  The middle and the younger get a high amount of my time due to their ages.  I am like a satellite orbiting around them.  Constantly stuck in their gravitational fields.  I get up between 5-6 most days just to have a moment that I don't feel their pull.  Because even in the nights they are calling to me for many reason and most nights one is in bed with us. 

The first word that came to my mind as I was thinking all of this is PRESSURE.  Lovely enough the next thought was coal turns into diamonds with enough heat and pressure.  I wonder...with all the heat and pressure of motherhood, what will I turn into?  I know when things are all said and done I will come out on the other side as a sparkly, beautiful, semi-precious jewel.